A Nightmare of a Life

I feel as if I can do nothing right. Its been like that my whole life-letting people down or saying the wrong thing. It especially seems this way with my mother. I feel like I am not the daughter she wanted. No matter what I'm always to blame or I have to come and help her clean up her problems. Living with her these last 13 months has been a little bit of a nightmare. She is so anal about how she wants things done or cleaned. She is someone who expects you to be a certain way but she does not live up to her own standards. It's draining. And it has only gotten worse since her boyfriend/fiance moved in. Things are slowly changing into what he wants.

Tonight is the perfect example. We have 4 cats-three of them are mine. Well one of the cats has been going to the bathroom in various places around the house (bathtub, closet, kitchen) and last night mom and her boyfriend had a fit about it. Now I can understand that no one wants to find cat poop on the floor or in your bathroom but my mom's fiance went as far as saying he was gonna shoot them all! So when he came home from work today the subject somehow came up. He got super pissed and stormed out. Then mom got pissed. So I said "Screw all this-just get rid of them all!" So my husband and my mom's boyfriend took three of our 4 cats to a friend of ours house. Someone they knew would take care of them. I of course cried cause I loved my kitties. I love all my animals like they are my children (especially since I am unable to bear children naturally) Mom made me feel so bad for crying. She screamed at me and told me I didn't care about her home and her feelings. I lost it. I went off on her and about her boyfriend (who I'm starting not to like) Then my sister Nicole found out that they got rid of her cat Sarah and all hell broke loose. My sister had a panic attack and eventually literally got sick over losing her cat. My mom felt so bad she went to go get Nicole's cat back.

I feel like the villain in all this-I usually do feel like this all the time. I cried for my sister and I felt like a total jerk. I just wish I could get away from my mother and her boyfriend. I need to get away from this nightmare!