Fam(ILY)

Lately there is has been several things I have wanted to blog about but just haven't went and done it. Life has been pretty normal and pretty blah. I have been having some bad days. Lately everyday I have woke up with a skull cracking headache and every night it starts up again. Plus my anxiety has really been acting up. Luckily I have a doctor appt in a week! : )

But for a more happy topic-Today (well yesterday since it is 2:24am) was Father's Day. I spent most of the day at home cause I could not find my dad. This happens a lot in the summer cause my dad owns a pool company and any day that has nice weather is a good day for Dad to clean and work on pools. But I eventually found him and we spent several wonderful hours together. We talked about a lot of stuff that has been bothering both of us and we worked a lot out. Plus he loved the gifts I got him (two shirts, a picture frame with our picture in it and a CD.) Dad made me start seeing things differently. Its like he encourages me and roots me on. He makes me feel normal. Which makes me wonder why I feel so out of sorts here at my moms? But we also talked about religion and he gave me some great scriptures to look up. I love discussing religion with my dad-he is just a breath of fresh air compared to most religious figures I have spoke with. Also Dad has agreed to pay to get my teeth fixed. Sadly I have bad teeth, I always have. I have 4 bad teeth and I don't want to have anymore pulled. I am just ready to have a nice and healthy mouth. I also think my headaches might be from my bad teeth.

So tomorrow I will be calling the dentist and looking for a new job. I have only a week until I have to go get the 10 grand from my grandpa to go pay off my student loans and then REGISTER FOR SCHOOL! I have been having problems figuring out which program I want to start first-cosmetology or esthetics. Dad has recommend esthetics first since it is the shortest program, plus I could potential make more money with that license opposed to waiting over a year to get my cosmo license.

It was just a happy day filled with hope!

Wake Up Call

So just about an hour ago I got a phone call from my Dad. Now I have a close relationship with my dad but we usually only talk maybe once a month. So for him to call me was a big surprise cause I usually call him. But anyway the conversation was unpleasant to say the least. He layed into me-asking me what I'm doing with my life, where is my life going, why I don't call him more. He feels like I don't give a shit about him, which is completely ridicules cause I love my daddy with all my heart. I've always been a daddy's girl. But he went further asking how Dave is and asking if I was going to have to be the bread winner in our marriage. To which I answered yes cause its the truth. Dave will always have to deal with his epilepsy and its not something you can predict. Seizures come and seizures go. So I realized a long time ago that I was gonna have to work my ass off to support our family. Which I dont have a problem with its just getting to the point where I can bring home the bacon that's the problem.

Even though my dad made me cry and basically feel like shit-he is right. His call was a wake up call. I need to get moving on my future, I need to get my life back and I will do anything I can to achieve my goals. I want him to be proud of me and I want to be proud of myself. So I'm not going to be easy on myself anymore. I will defeat this anxiety and I will kick ass in this world. I have an interview on Wed. which I am pretty excited about. Its a children's closing store in the Chesterfield mall. It will start out part time and will move to full time with the potential of me becoming assistant manager. I love retail and I am very comfortable working in retail. I also love children so I will love helping mothers and fathers pick out clothing for their children. Its also a great opportunity cause since it is in chesterfield it will be really close to school. So I can go straight from school to work.

But it is amazing how sometimes we can stray so far off the path, we think we are doing things right but in reality we are not. And sometimes it takes someone you love yelling at you for you realize that you are basically screwing up big time. I respect my dad a great deal and his opinion and his approval is very important to me. So I am thankful for the relationship we have. I am thankful he can be so abrupt with me. Yeah he comes off harsh a lot and I may get mad at him for it. But after the storm has calmed I see his point and I realize he says these things cause he loves me and wants me to have a great life. I want to have a great life to and I am ready to start moving forward. Ready to stop making excuses and get my butt out of this bed. Out of this house and start making a change.

Another thing I really want to change is my spiritual life. I want to be closer to God, I want to know the scripture, I want to learn so much. I have strayed away from my Lord and I need to get back to him. I need to find a church where I am comfortable, one where I can finally have a church family.

My life starts changing now and that's all there is too it!