A day of gray

Starting something is actually one of my biggest flaws. I have some many things rolling around in my head and I always say to myself "I should write about it, I should blog it!" Many of my friends blog and I love reading about their triumphs, their struggles or just there day to day lives. So why not me? I could do that-I tell myself. So here I am, here I go.
Today was beyond awful. I haven't felt right for about three weeks now and I didn't get much sleep because I wanted to watch the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton. Which by the way was beyond words-simply amazing. A great event for my generation. So When I finally got some sleep-it was restless, filled with the odd things I dream about. When I woke up needless to say I felt like crap. I didn't want to do anything today, just wanted to try to fell better. But unfortunately I live with my mother. Now don't get me wrong I love her with all my heart but she is a clean freak. And yes the house was a little messy so I knew that she would want to clean it today. I tried to do some little things to help, things that wouldn't wear me out even more. But she just went off the deep end! She screamed about the cats and the dogs and how the house never used to get this back. So I take her words as hurtful. And after hearing her talk like this for months upon months it has started to get to me. When I do help her it is never enough, there is always something more she wants from me. And I don't mind helping her its just that she belittles me so much. Tells me I don't take care of my animals well and complains about the mess in my room. My husband and I moved out of our apartment and in with my mom so we could save up for a house. So all of our things are either crammed into a tiny closet or stacked all around our room or in our tiny storage unit we rented. 
I feel like I cant breathe here sometimes. Like I cant be my true self. Sometimes I feel like this house is my personal prison. Its not big enough for us all and that is why is gets messy quickly. When I had my own place I cleaned almost everyday, but I knew where my things and my husbands things went. I didn't have someone breathing down my neck on when it needed to be cleaned. If I felt yucky one day I would say "aww skip the house work today" and I would work on it the next day. I just need to feel like myself again and I cant do it here.
So I call today a Day of Gray because its not total blackness and its definitely not sunny. Its a day where I total lost it on my mom and we fought ugly but it was also a day where I realized that I need my own space, somewhere to be me. Ive always thought Gray Days were a time to think and draw new conclusions and today I have decided to move out of here.